And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
