I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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