my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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