I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
