So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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