therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
