I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for