The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
