i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
