I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.