that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
why do cheetos always look like penises
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
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aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
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I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk