I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
