Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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