have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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