also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
