I'm gonna have a badass scar
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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