who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my being single is dangerous.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
