he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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