I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have tasted many bathrooms
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
