The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
