I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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