the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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