My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize