Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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