god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize