the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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