her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
