I'm jealous of your bromance
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I pour the whiskey from now on
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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