I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
