Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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