he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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