What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
