And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
