Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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