She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked. naked and bneed help.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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