so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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