it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize