Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
