How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
