you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
