You really coming over, don't trick.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Mom said you looked used
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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