Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
