and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
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