i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
