So gin and wine won't be happening again
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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