I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
