I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
