dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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