I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
