Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
