Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
