I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
my poor anus
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
