Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
