I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
