The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
