have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
