It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Randomize
