i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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