bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
