38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
