Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
