it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
