I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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