So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
