put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
