and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
