i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
