He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
As shirtless as possible
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
