bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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